The most important function of a marriage / committed relationship or a family is to provide an opportunity for the spouses or family members to love and be loved. To love is in part instinctual, as with a parent to a child, but many of our love beliefs and behaviors are learned from our parents and caretakers and the culture we grew up in. If you are struggling with how to stay loving(or even civil) towards your spouse or yourself in the face of differences, difficulties, and the challenges of managing life, family, and work, I will be able to help you differentiate the pain from the person(s) or situation and start to develop the insights and skills you need to be in a loving relationship that feeds you instead of depleting you. At our loss, we are not required to take classes in how to love effectively or communicate and express emotions in healthy ways. All of us grow up with different understandings of what love is, how to get it, and what to do if we don't get it. Even for those of us who know how to love, the pain of not knowing how to navigate through differences can create hurt, rejection, distance and a sense of despair and hoplessness. Our core childhood losses are often retriggered by hurts in our adult relationships. I am a marriage and family therapist who can help you develop an "observing ego" that can identify your feelings, beliefs, thoughts, and explore your core beliefs as they contribute to or create problems in your current relationships. Insight is just one piece of the puzzle. There are emotional reactions that are so core to our physiology that we react before we even think sometimes. By working with your body awareness, you can feel those signals and intervene, before they have a chance to create destructive behaviors. You can trick your brain. You have to identify your values and what is important to you to have a motivation to do this, but that is based on what brought you together in the first place. I can help you to identify and clarify these truths that are already a part of you and your relationships, even if you feel their absence and will need to build a bridge to re-connect. Even in relationships where there has been betrayal or deep hurt, repair can happen, followed by bridging or building something new. If you know what you are doing, you can make a choice to do something different, as you learn the best ways to inter-relate to your spouse or family. Most marital and family therapy focuses on resolving conflict and problematic behaviors. When a family is unhappy or suffering, it is essential to find a way to intervene and bring to a stop the destructive patterns and behaviors. Repairing the damage or hurt that has occurred is crucial. It is equally important for a family to learn new healthier behaviors, responses and communication styles and develop a way to know and value themselves individually, while respecting others. Your capacity for intimacy and knowing how to relate to yourself and others started in your family of orgin, with your own mother and father or caretakers. Some people were fortunate enough to learn some good relationship skills and others not, but there is always an opportunity in the present to know yourself as you truly are (not what others told you should be) and to learn new ways of relating to others (not what your family told you was "normal"). Learning how to relate in ways that will bring you a sense of satisfaction and joy is one of the primary goals of counseling. "Peace" is a result of how you live your life and treat yourself and others. My work with couples and families offers them a safe place to explore what is not working and then, to build the inner resources and skills to create a different experience with each other .